Exercises
Of course you can’t just read a book and expect all of your problems to be solved. If you read a book about exercise, are you healthier and physically stronger? No. You have an idea of what you need to do, but now is the time to put it into action. Pick one of the following exercises below and try it out ASAP.
Mayoring
This is one I would do if I was feeling alone and isolated. I found that that was a common problem with people who are shy, they put up their own mental walls. I like to assume people just like you until you give them a reason not too. I like to pretend I’m the mayor of a small town. I assume people already know who I am and are glad to see me. Whether this is true or not, it made me feel better about myself and therefore made my interactions much better. I came to the conversation with a sense of value. And why do I call it Mayoring? As I’ve mentioned I live in Boston. We had a mayor named Thomas Menino.
Invite Someone
One of the major problems that I faced when dealing with shyness, was the desire to make a connection, but I still waited for someone else to make the first move. It didn’t occur to me until late in life that I could make the first move. I could ask someone if they wanted to do something. I could take control of the situation.
In this exercise, you need to talk to someone you find interesting or attractive. It doesn’t even have to be something profound. Even a “hi” in passing is a good start. If you find them interesting enough to talk to, why don’t you?
Be an Inspiration to other People
We are always so worried as to how other people see us. This is natural. This is something you can change. Instead be the change you wan to see
Greatest Hits
There are people we all admire. There is something or at least one quality that you love about them. Either they are kind, even when they're not receiving the same treatment in return, or they are always kind. Realize these characteristics and try to emulate them
30 Day Trial
You’re probably saying to yourself, “Who is this guy to tell me what to do?” How will I know this will work? Well, here’s where the 30 day trial comes in. Give yourself permission for the next thirty days to be the person you always imagined you could be. No one is stopping you, but you. Imagine the outgoing, assertive person you wish to be. When you’re in a moment of doubt, ask yourself what your ideal self would do.
Your Attention Needs to Go Somewhere
Imagine wearing a miner’s helmet. One of those hard hats with a light on the front. You’re in complete darkness except for directly where the light is facing. This is like your attention. You can only see what you focus on. If you choose to stare at something you don’t like, that is all you will see. If you only focus on how uncomfortable you are in a social situation, that is all you will notice. If you focus on your anxiety, you will only become more anxious.
Focus on Others, Not Yourself
A large part of social anxiety is focusing only on yourself. You are turned inwards. You are constantly worrying about you. How can you have a conversation with someone else when you’re constantly worried about you and how you come across to others?
Unplug
Phones are constantly used as a distraction or to avoid social interaction? In an elevator? On public transit? Whip out your phone. Avoid people. It may be in your best interest to unplug for a little while.
Leave your phone on airplane mode. Do not use it as a safety net. Next time you go out. Grocery store. Party. Just leave your phone off.
Set Deadlines
How many times have you told yourself you’ll do something “later”? When is later? Tomorrow? Next week? When the weather gets warmer? Next year? Saying that you’ll start doing something later may as well be saying “I’ll keep pushing this off” You have to start setting deadline for yourself. Pick on of these exercises and try it right now. Text someone to ask them a question that you would never do otherwise (depending on the hour of course). Try an exercise tomorrow at the latest.
I met a woman at a convention for entrepreneurs (Ask Julie Grimm if you can use her name). (Another attempt to push myself out of my comfort zone). I didn’t even mention the book to her at the time. She just happened to mention that if you want something to happen, you need to set a solid deadline. Write it in ink on the calendar. I figured since I was mentally writing my first draft for 3 years, that maybe I needed a solid deadline.
Stop Expecting Perfection/Don’t get too attached/Saying NO
There is only so much in the world that you can care about. Pick a handful. When you’re a shy person, you’re always trying to please everyone. You’re spreading yourself too thin. If you try to do everything at once, you spread yourself too thin. You have to find what truly matters to you. Family and friends, your career, your hobbies, self improvement. And focus on those. You are being unfair unfair to yourself and to people who actually depend on you. If you can’t say “no”. No, I can’t really help you with that right now, I’m too busy. No, I don’t have time for this negative self talk. Yes, sometimes you even have to say no to yourself. Your shyness is demanding and takes from you on a daily basis. It’s like owning something you don’t want/need/even like and pouring all of your energy into maintaining it and keeping it happy. Sometimes you have to say no to yourself.
New Frame of Mind
If you want to live your best life. A life free of shyness, then you need to adopt a new frame of mind. You need to view yourself as someone who is not shy. You can’t expect to just read a book and then everything will be ok. You need a complete shift in thought. (or you could stay where you are. It’s up to you). But who wants to stay in the same place? Not you. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this book. Just picking up this book is the first step. You’ve already taken the first step. You’re already on your journey of transformation. You didn’t even realize it, did you?
Doing away with Passivity
A major hurdle that I had to overcome was falling into the trap of being too passive. I was waiting for someone else to tell me what to do. It wasn’t until I decided that I needed to tell myself what to do, that I really began enjoying life.
I think is stems from your childhood. We wait for adults to tell us what to do. We look to them to dictate the next move. It comes to a certain point where you must decide what you need to do on your own. You need to make a conscious decision to decide what you need to do. What is best for you. Don’t let anyone decide for you.
Pop That Bubble/Don’t Stare, Get in There!
How often have you seen someone you wanted to talk to, but you never approached? Someone you found interesting or maybe even attractive? But what do you do? You stare and hope they say something to you instead.There almost seems to be an invisible force that holds you back. You’re living in your bubble. You need to pop that bubble.
Find Your Hero
We all know someone who is great with people. Or someone who is comfortable with themselves. What makes these people different from you? Nothing. Except for the way they see themselves. These people usually don’t take themselves too seriously. They’re fun to be around. They’re not desperate for attention. They’re not afraid to fail. If you see a person like this make a misstep, they are quick to point it out themselves.
Find an Extrovert
Extroverts know how to be outgoing, or at least aren’t afraid to do so. You need this type of person in your life
Don’t see Yourself As Less Than Others
On thing , you may be able to relate to and I know I’m guilty of this myself, is seeing yourself as less than others. Thinking “I’m not good enough” “No one. Will like me” If you think this, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy,